School is in…and so it empathy!
Sorry for my absence from here in recent weeks. I took a small holiday to recharge only to be thrust into some adult life decisions that I have managed to avoid for nearly 40 years of my life. To top it all off, we are now two weeks into the new school year and anyone working in education can understand how busy that is.
However, as challenging as it may have been for me, my thoughts once again turned to all the lads who have returned to school. For many boys aged 10 to 17, this is a time of transition, new friendships, and of finding their place. At the same time, the news cycle has been filled with stories of division and hostility towards different groups. These headlines are a stark reminder of why empathy is not just a soft skill but an essential life skill.
Empathy allows young people to understand the feelings of others and to act in ways that strengthen community rather than divide it. Research has long shown that empathy can be taught and nurtured. A study from the Early Years Network highlights how empathy development is a foundation for changing the world one child at a time (source).
Why focus on boys?
While both boys and girls need empathy, studies suggest they may take different developmental paths. Evidence-based mentoring research shows that boys often need more intentional opportunities to practice empathy in real-world contexts (source). The University of Galway’s Active Social and Emotional Learning programme outlines how schools can support this process, particularly during adolescence when boys are forming their identity (source).
Boys are often socialised to appear strong, independent, or even detached. The thing is, empathy and strength are not opposites. In fact, teaching boys to recognise and respond to emotions can reduce aggression, improve wellbeing, and build stronger peer relationships, with research on how children develop empathy underlining the importance of role modelling and practice (source).
What works in practice?
There has been a lot of work done in recent years with programmes like Roots of Empathy showing promising results by giving children direct experiences of caring and connection (source). Other studies have explored how intentional empathy-building strategies in schools can shape healthier peer cultures (source).
Practical guidance is also available for parents and educators. Strategies from Big Life Journal highlight everyday tools for empathy education (source), while Focus on the Family offers tips specific to teaching boys to show empathy (source). Additional resources from the Center for Healthy Minds provide practical steps for teenagers, including perspective-taking and active listening exercises (source).
Writers and researchers are increasingly calling for boys to be raised with empathy at the centre. Psychology Today explores the role of empathy in raising boys (source), while The Family Conscience outlines strategies for boosting empathy during the tween and teen years (source). Others, like Medium’s 19 Acts to Cultivate Male Empathy, provide everyday examples for families and communities (source).
Even simple acts at home matter. As All Pro Dad notes, helping a tween boy notice when others are struggling can build empathy over time (source).
Practical tips for parents and teachers
Here are four evidence-based ways to strengthen empathy in boys aged 10–17:
Model emotional language: Share your own feelings out loud in age-appropriate ways. Boys who hear adults naming emotions (“I feel frustrated but I’m going to take a breath”) learn that empathy starts with awareness.
Use perspective-taking questions: After a conflict at home or school, ask: “How do you think he felt when that happened?” This simple practice encourages boys to see beyond their own viewpoint.
Encourage helping behaviours: Give boys structured opportunities to care for others, such as mentoring younger students, helping with chores, or volunteering. These “small acts” of contribution build empathy muscles.
Celebrate kindness as much as achievement: Recognise when boys show care or compassion, not just when they score goals or get top marks. Positive reinforcement helps make empathy part of their identity.
The bigger picture
Empathy is not only about kindness. It is about equipping boys with the tools to navigate conflict, resist harmful stereotypes, and build healthier relationships. When schools and families prioritise empathy, they help boys develop into young men who can contribute positively to society rather than being swept up in cycles of anger and disconnection.
I encourage anyone working with young people, but particularly young men, to remember that empathy is teachable, practical, and essential. And in the tricky waters that many are swimming in right now, it may be one of the most important lessons of all.
