Male role models: The modern-day Bigfoot?
Undoubtedly, you have read the headlines. You have probably seen it in chat rooms and Facebook groups. I wouldn't be surprised if the butcher, baker and a candle stick maker (Sorry CMAT), have had something to say about it.
When we talk about boys today, one question comes up again and again: Who are their role models?
While we're quick to talk about “positive male role models,” we often overlook where influence is really coming from and how we can train boys to see it for themselves.
As educators, parents, and mentors, it’s time to take a braver, smarter approach.
Why role models matter more than ever
If you were to watch the news in recent months, you would think that positive male role models share the same status as Bigfoot, the Loch Ness monster and Mayo All-Irelands.
In a world of algorithmic influence, boys are not short on role models; they’re just being shown the loudest ones. Whether it's through YouTube personalities, TikTok trends, or gaming communities, boys are soaking in messages about what it means to “be a man.” Too often, these messages center on dominance, rejection of vulnerability, and the pursuit of status over substance.
But evidence is mounting that positive male role models are crucial to boys’ wellbeing, development, and future relationships. They help shape emotional regulation, boundary-setting, empathy, and self-belief.
Still, it’s not about placing more men in boys’ lives just because they are men. As Dr. Kimmel and others have stressed, it’s about the quality of those male influences, not just their presence.
Reframing bravery for boys
So where does bravery come in?
Boys are often taught that bravery means physical courage, “manning up,” or staying quiet when things feel tough. But real bravery, the kind that shapes good men, is quieter and deeper. It’s the courage to ask for help. To admit fear. To stand up for others. To walk away from toxic expectations.
We don’t just want confident boys. We want brave ones - one's who feel safe enough to show compassion, express emotion, and choose integrity even when it’s hard.
Everyday influencers: the hidden curriculum
One of the most overlooked tools we can offer boys is the ability to recognise the everyday role models around them.
As Psychology Today puts it, “they’re all around us”. This is a belief I have shared for a long time. Our role models are the coaches who listen, the grandad who shows up, the friend’s dad who respects others, the older boy who includes the outsider. But boys need help noticing them.
Instead of idolising abstract figures, we need to train boys to observe, ask, and reflect: What do I admire about that person? How do they treat people? What does that tell me about the kind of man I want to become?
One strategy for schools and homes: the "Spot the Brave" challenge
Here’s one powerful practice teachers and parents can try starting tomorrow:
The “Spot the Brave” Challenge.
Ask boys to identify one act of bravery they saw that day. This is not the type they might see in a Marvel movie, but the real kind: helping a classmate, saying sorry, asking a hard question, standing up for someone, admitting a mistake.
Then ask:
What did you admire about it?
Would you be proud to do the same?
How did that person show strength in that moment?
Over time, this simple reflection builds a new default: boys start looking for role models, not waiting for them to arrive.
Why this matters
The crisis of masculinity isn’t about a lack of men. It’s about a lack of healthy, visible, everyday masculinity. The kind that tells boys it’s okay to be kind. That real strength includes softness. That bravery means doing the right thing, not the loudest.
We can change the narrative—but only if we train boys to look differently, think critically, and admire bravely.
Let’s start now.
Want to learn more about The Flourishing Man programme or bring it to your school or club? Visit www.theflourishingman.com
