Respectful Relationships: Guidance for parents & teachers of school-aged boys
Since the dawn of time, conversations about dating, crushes and relationships have been part of growing up. For school-aged boys, learning healthy ways to form friendships and respectful relationships is crucial not only for their emotional wellbeing, but also for how they treat others. Parents and teachers play a pivotal role in making sure those early experiences are positive.
This is an area I’ve spent a great deal of time exploring. I think some of my friends would laugh at the thought of me giving any sort of relationship advice given my difficult relationship past. However, my experiences inspired my Master’s research, which examined the link between relationships and the wellbeing of adults aged 18–40. The findings were clear: strong, respectful, and supportive relationships are central to positive mental health across life stages. The lessons we draw from adult wellbeing are just as important when we think about the early relational experiences of boys in schools today.
What we know
Early romantic experiences are common in adolescence. Many teens begin having crushes or short-term relationships in early to mid-teens, with more serious relationships emerging later. Research shows that the quality of these relationships which are built on trust, communication, and respect have strong links with better mental health, self-esteem, and life satisfaction.
On the other hand, the risks are real. A large-scale survey of young people in the UK found that nearly half of teenagers in relationships had experienced some form of controlling or harmful behaviour from a partner. Emotional pressure, manipulation, and even coercion were worryingly common. Studies also show that parent-child attachment and family conflict are significant predictors of how adolescents later behave in their own relationships.
Common concerns from parents and teachers
Understandably, adults often feel uneasy when boys begin navigating the world of dating. Concerns tend to include:
Emotional maturity – Are they ready to handle intense feelings, disappointment, or heartbreak?
Respect, consent, and boundaries – Will they understand what healthy behaviour looks like and what’s not acceptable?
Academic or personal distraction – Will early relationships overshadow schoolwork, friendships, or hobbies?
Influence of peers and media – Are unrealistic or harmful portrayals shaping their expectations?
How to guide without over-controlling – Can we advise and support without triggering secrecy or shame?
These are valid questions but each is also an opportunity for a constructive conversation.
Practical advice
Focus on friendship first. Encourage boys to value strong friendships, both with peers and across genders, before worrying about romance. Friendships lay the foundation for empathy, communication, and respect. Boys who feel secure in their friendships are far more likely to build healthy romantic relationships later.
Open lines of communication early and often. Conversations about feelings, consent, and respect work best when they’re ongoing. Parents can normalise these topics by weaving them into everyday life. Teachers can use books, films, or classroom discussions as prompts.
Model respectful relationships. Boys learn as much from what they see as from what they’re told. When adults show kindness, fairness, and constructive conflict resolution, those lessons stick. Research highlights that positive family dynamics strongly influence teen relationships.
Teach relational skills explicitly. Respectful relationships don’t just “happen”. They require skills. Talk about listening, empathy, boundary-setting, conflict management, and consent. Resources for teens can provide practical language to start these conversations.
Set realistic expectations. Not every crush or relationship will last and that’s okay. Help boys understand that ups and downs are part of learning. Guidance for parents suggests focusing on emotional maturity rather than a strict “dating age.”
Be alert to red flags. Signs of unhealthy dynamics such as controlling behaviour, isolation, or constant pressure shouldn’t be dismissed as “teen drama.” Naming these issues helps boys understand the difference between normal challenges and harmful situations.
Work together: parents, schools, communities. Respectful relationship education works best when parents and teachers reinforce each other. Schools can introduce structured programmes on consent and gender respect, while parents reinforce those lessons at home. Peer support and positive role models also help boys feel less alone in navigating new territory.
It's going to be okay!
It’s normal for boys to explore friendships, experience crushes, and even make mistakes along the way. What matters is the framework of respect, honesty, and kindness that adults help them build. Teachers and parents don’t need to have all the answers; simply being present, approachable, and willing to talk goes a long way.
Encourage friendships. Teach respect. Stay open. With guidance and support, boys can grow into young men who approach relationships not with pressure or fear, but with empathy, confidence, and care.
