When boys don’t belong, they don’t attend
Breaking News!!! Children, who can't or won't attend school, struggle when it comes to academic attainment and well-being.
This week, the ESRI released its latest report, 'The Long Term Outcomes of School Absentism' in Ireland. While many of the findings are not surprising, they were still stark enough to dominate Irish headlines. RTÉ led with a report on the impact of school absences on adult wellbeing, while The Irish Times highlighted the implications for the dreaded Leaving Certificate.
I would say that the most worrying trend was on my drive home when nearly all talk radio stations framed the report around the question of how it would impact exam results as opposed to the welfare of the young people in question. Tells you where our priorities are at.
Ask anybody working in urban areas, and you will soon find out that absenteeism is one of the biggest concerns amongst school principals. In my 'home city' of Cork, a recent piece in the Echo highlighted absenteeism and disengagement among young people. The headlines focus on numbers. But beneath those numbers are boys sitting at home feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or overwhelmed.
We need to look beyond attendance data and ask a deeper question: Do our boys feel they matter in school?
Absence is often emotional, not defiant
Many cases of school avoidance are emotionally based rather than behavioural. International research consistently frames this as “emotionally based school avoidance” rather than truancy.
The Crisis Prevention Institute outlines why compassion must replace consequence when responding to emotionally based school avoidance. That is why many places are creating and implementing intervention models that prioritise emotional safety and relational repair over punishment.
Parents are often left navigating this alone. But there is practical support and guidance for post-primary parents, with many directing a focus on addressing the anxiety that frequently underpins school refusal. One thing is clear, outside of the media, absentism is now being seen more through the lens of mental health challenges being experienced by our young people, as opposed to simple disengagement.
Boys and the belonging gap
There is a growing body of evidence that boys can struggle with belonging in environments where emotional expression feels unsafe or unclear. Boys’ sense of belonging is deeply connected to emotional permission and relational security. The Thrive Approach emphasises that belonging is not a soft add-on but instead a foundational component to attendance, behaviour, and attainment.
The Taking Boys Seriously research group at Ulster University outlines principles for engaging boys in ways that respect their identity, voice, and lived experience. When boys feel:
Constantly corrected
Misunderstood in their energy
Uncertain how to express vulnerability
Labeled as “the problem”
Attendance becomes psychologically costly. And when school feels psychologically unsafe, absence becomes self-protection.
Why the ERSI Report should be taken seriously
The ERSI data should not push us toward tighter monitoring systems alone. It should push us toward stronger relational school cultures, a focus on emotional literacy and vulnerable boys, and whole-class belonging strategies and parent-school collaboration
Attendance improves when the connection improves. That is why it's important to remember that belonging is not an intervention; it is the condition that makes intervention work.
A shift in question
So think of this. Instead of asking: “Why won’t he come to school?”
Perhaps we need to ask: “Where does he feel he doesn’t belong?”
Boys who feel seen and safe in a certain place like going to those places! Not because they have to, but because they want to.
If you work in education, youth development, or policy, I’d love to hear your perspective. What are you seeing on the ground when it comes to boys and attendance?
