Building a growth mindset in boys: Why language, praise and "Yet" matter
“I’m just not good at this.”
We’ve all heard it. Maybe it was whispered after a maths test, muttered after missing a goal, or shouted in frustration over homework. For many boys, moments of challenge become moments of self-doubt.
But what if we could flip that script?
Psychologist Carol Dweck coined the term growth mindset to describe the belief that intelligence and ability aren’t fixed. Dweck believes that they can be developed through effort, learning, and persistence. Her research transformed how we understand motivation and resilience in children.
The challenge? Boys don’t always hear this message in ways that stick.
Why boys need growth mindset messaging
Boys are often praised for performance rather than process: “You’re so fast,” “You’re great at this,” or “You’re a natural.” While well-meaning, these comments reinforce a fixed mindset and the idea that success depends on talent alone.
By contrast, messages that reward effort, strategy, and persistence help boys connect challenge to growth. Without this shift, they may avoid risk, fear failure, or withdraw from learning opportunities, particularly in areas that challenge stereotypical ideas of masculinity, like emotional expression, reading, or asking for help.
As Dr. Mary O’Kane explains, the mindset boys develop around failure can shape how they approach school, sport, relationships, and future careers.
Five practical ways to build a growth mindset in boys
These strategies work across classrooms, sports settings, and homes. They’re based on research from sources like Big Life Journal, TherapyWorks, and AMS Montessori.
1. Swap labels for language that grows
Instead of “You’re a natural,” try:
“You’ve been practising; I can see the progress.”
“That looked tough, but you stuck with it.”
“What strategy did you use to figure that out?”
This keeps the focus on effort, not innate ability, something which is a core principle of growth mindset thinking.
2. Use the power of “Yet”
When a boy says, “I can’t do this,” add one simple word: yet.
This small shift rewires the brain to see current limits as temporary. Research shows this language change encourages persistence and reduces anxiety, especially when boys are struggling academically or emotionally.
3. Model mistakes and show recovery
Children need to see adults learning too. Talk openly about your own mistakes:
“I forgot that meeting, I’m going to try a new reminder system.”
“I misjudged that situation. What could I do differently next time?”
Boys benefit from seeing vulnerability paired with problem-solving not perfection.
4. Celebrate process over product
Recognise the hard yards, not just the final result:
“You were really focused during practice today.”
“I noticed how you asked for help; that takes courage.”
“You stayed calm even when it was frustrating.”
This kind of praise builds identity around effort and not winning, grades, or approval.
5. Use growth mindset activities and resources
Boys are often hands-on learners. Try:
Growth mindset journals or reflection pages (like from Big Life Journal)
“Famous failure” stories — e.g., Michael Jordan being cut from his high school team
Sorting fixed vs. growth mindset statements
Discussions around “What would you do differently next time?” after setbacks
Even sports settings can support this. As noted by USA Basketball, the mindset that fuelled Michael Jordan’s greatness was built on failure, feedback, and relentless practice.
Growth mindset in boys: A foundation for life
Helping boys build a growth mindset isn’t just about improving test scores or sports performance. It’s about shaping how they respond to difficulty, how they view themselves, and how they treat others.
Boys who believe they can grow:
Take more risks in learning
Persist through setbacks
Show greater emotional resilience
Are more likely to ask for help and give it
A growth mindset gives them permission to be unfinished and the confidence to keep going.
As one young boy said after learning about growth mindset:
“So I’m not bad at it… I’m just not good at it yet.”
That’s the shift that matters.
