Navigating Peer Pressure - lessons from the Ryder Cup’s highs and lows
If my life spent as a sports fan has taught me anything, there are so many lessons to be taken from the greatest sporting contests!
This past weekend at Bethpage in New York, the 2025 Ryder Cup delivered not only an unforgettable golfing contest but an unexpected case study in masculinity, social norms, and peer pressure. What unfolded among players, teams, and crowds offers lessons for how boys navigate pressures to conform, compete, or perform.
When masculinity’s mirror cracks
On one side, we saw scenes of solidarity: European teammates supporting, hugging, lifting one another up, and showing composure under pressure. On the other hand, there were darker moments: fans heckling, personal insults, and abusive chants. Golf legend Tom Watson admitted he was “ashamed” of the behaviour, while Rory McIlroy described the abuse directed at him and his family as “unacceptable”.
Rather than cast blame, the contrast is instructive. What does it mean to “be a man” when every eye is watching? What does a young boy learn when toughness is praised, softness is mocked, and aggression is cheered?
Peer Pressure shapes identity
Peer pressure isn’t just about dares or risky behaviours, it’s about belonging. For boys, the pressure to “act like a man” often includes hiding emotions, avoiding anything deemed “feminine,” or proving toughness to avoid ridicule.
Research shows that men’s aggression can be directly tied to social pressure, while studies of adolescent development highlight how peer influence strongly shapes decision-making. More recent work explores how rigid ideas of masculinity amplify these dynamics.
In other words, boys aren’t only pressured by peers, they pressure themselves, anticipating exclusion if they don’t conform.
Why Bethpage matters
The Ryder Cup showed three clear things! Firstly, its that masculinity is not one thing. The European team proved that strength can be expressed through vulnerability, encouragement, and calmness under pressure. Next, group norms shape behaviour. In a charged atmosphere, abusive chants spread quickly, but respectful conduct can also spread too. Which wins out depends on what the group rewards. Finally, leadership sets the tone. When an event emcee joined in with chants, hostility escalated until she later apologised and stepped down.
Ryder Cup captain Keegan Bradley also contributed to the amped up energy by running through the course holding an American flag prior to the commencement of the competition. His actions very much reminded me of this famous Graheme Souness clip, who, as opposed to acting as an inspiring, uniting figure only portrayed himself as an agitator and provocateur. Leaders in any setting, be it classrooms, sports teams, or peer groups, can fuel or dampen peer contagion.
Helping boys navigate peer pressure
So what can parents, teachers, and mentors do? Here are some starting points:
1. Build emotional fluency
Encourage boys to name their feelings before they act. Check-ins, journaling, or even simple emotion words (“I feel angry,” “I feel hurt”) counter the myth that emotions equal weakness.
2. Create brave spaces
Boys need environments where they can share doubts or mistakes without ridicule. This lowers the risk of hiding struggles and encourages healthier peer dynamics.
3. Model boundaries
Show that saying “no” is a form of self-respect, not weakness. Narrate your own decisions—“I’ll pass on that”, so boys see refusal as normal, not shameful.
4. Teach risk awareness
Distinguish between social risk (peer teasing, exclusion) and physical risk (dangerous stunts, drinking, or reckless driving). Role-play scenarios to help boys pause and evaluate what’s really at stake.
5. Encourage allyship
When peers speak up, they shift group norms. Teaching boys to intervene, “That’s not okay”, can disrupt cycles of toxic behaviour and show that true strength lies in defending dignity.
6. Celebrate quiet courage
Publicly acknowledge kindness, humility, or principled refusal. Boys learn that courage isn’t just loud bravado; it’s also the quiet act of staying true to oneself.
For further reading, see The Children’s Society, Parenting Smart, and Connecticut Children’s.
Final reflection
Peer pressure is often described as something to resist or fall victim to. But a better metaphor is a social thermostat: every individual helps set the temperature of the group. At Bethpage, some voices cranked up hostility; others held firm to respect.
When boys see empathy, honesty, and boundary-setting modelled, not as weakness but as maturity, they gain both permission and tools to resist the pull of toxic conformity.
