Boys, anxiety, and the silence beneath the surface
Today, boys are struggling more than ever. This is not because they’re “broken,” but because a world has been created that often expects them to suffer silently.
In my role, I have observed this pattern hundreds of times. A boy lashes out? He’s disruptive. A boy zones out? He’s lazy. A boy jokes through everything? He’s just immature.
As it often the case, the truth is far more complex. Many of these boys are anxious, overwhelmed, and emotionally under-resourced.
What does the research tell us?
The hangover from coronavirus lockdown is still present. A study from the Kennedy Krieger Institute found that children with Long COVID are showing “alarming rates of anxiety and depression”, with boys experiencing unique symptoms, often misread or missed entirely in classroom and home settings.
Meanwhile, research published earlier this year in Frontiers in Psychology confirmed that ADHD and anxiety tend to show up differently in boys and girls. Girls more often internalise, while boys more often externalise.
Which means many anxious boys don’t seem anxious at all. They seem angry, disengaged, or hyperactive.
There is great work being done out there
One of the most insightful recent contributions to this conversation comes from Orygen’s research team in Australia, who developed a world-first theory on how young men manage emotional pain.
Led by clinical psychologist Dr. Simon Rice, the study found that boys typically use four distinct coping strategies:
Bottling Up – internalising pain and avoiding any emotional disclosure.
Numbing – using distractions like gaming to dull emotional discomfort.
Shutting Out – withdrawing from relationships and disengaging from their environment.
Opening Up – seeking support and expressing vulnerabilit. However, though this is rare and often discouraged.
This framework validates what educators and parents often witness but can’t always name. It reminds us that when boys go quiet, pull away, or over-engage in escapism, it’s often not defiance, it’s distress.
What is the result of this? We can’t afford to wait for boys to ask for help! We need to be proactive and design environments that encourage them to open up before they hit the breaking point.
So what can we do?
We need to rethink how we support boys from the inside out.
Reframe behaviour as communication: Not every boy who acts out is “bold” — many are simply anxious, lacking the words or skills to express what they feel.
Focus on emotional literacy: Building boys’ emotional vocabulary — through stories, reflection, and modelling — gives them a fighting chance.
Start early, stay consistent: The earlier we support emotional development, the less likely boys are to adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms down the line.
We don’t need more alarm bells
We need better responses. Boys deserve support that meets them where they are, not where we think they should be. And as more data emerges, the message is clear: If we want boys to behave better, we must first help them feel better.
