Boys and the digital dilemma
We’ve heard the headlines: “Boys are addicted to gaming”, “Teen screen time is out of control”, “Social media is damaging young minds.”
Such headlines ring alarm bells, but the reality is much more complex and more human.
At the heart of it are boys. Curious, creative, and often deeply immersed in digital worlds that adults sometimes barely understand. We often ask, “How much is too much?” But the better question might be: “What are they escaping, expressing, or exploring when they turn to screens?”
Digital life is real life
As early as 2020, studies found that children in some countries were spending over six hours online daily. If you dropped your coffee, I don't blame you! Unfortunate this is a number that has only risen since. But time alone isn’t the full picture. What matters more is what they’re doing, why, and how it makes them feel.
Research shows that gaming is far more than entertainment for many boys. It offers connection, achievement, identity, and sometimes, a safe space from real-world stressors. A recent Pew Research study revealed that nearly every teen boy plays video games and many report positive social experiences from doing so.
However, the risks are genuine: disrupted sleep, increased anxiety, less physical activity, and the potential to crowd out in-person relationships. The last of these points reminded me of a time when I asked a boy in my class about his weekend plans. He said he was going on a playdate. When I asked where, he responded, 'Oh, nowhere, it's online!' I come from a generation where playing games was something you did with a sibling. There were many occasions when I watched my big brother play a game, similar to watching Youtubers today!
But gaming is so much more than something you would do during the winter months. Gaming has even become a coping mechanism for deeper challenges like loneliness, academic pressure, or family stress. The World Health Organization has formally recognised the link between excessive screen time and poorer mental health in adolescents, particularly boys.
So, how do we move from a place of panic to one of proactive support?
A new approach to digital wellbeing
A growing body of advice for parents and educators encourages a shift away from simply restricting screen time toward building digital habits rooted in self-awareness and self-regulation.
This includes:
Co-creating screen time agreements with children rather than imposing rules unilaterally (see this guide).
Teaching boys to reflect on how their digital activities impact their emotions, energy, and relationships.
Framing screen time as a balance, not a binary - helping young people learn to enjoy gaming and value offline pursuits.
Understanding the positive social function of digital platforms, especially for boys who may struggle with face-to-face communication.
Exploring practical strategies for digital hygiene: screen-free bedrooms, device curfews, and scheduled “unplugged” times (Scratch Garden outlines a great approach).
Educators and youth workers have a vital role here too. The Better Internet for Kids initiative provides excellent frameworks for teaching healthy digital habits in school settings, turning a source of stress into a springboard for learning.
Boys, screens, and belonging
Recent insights from Children and Screens point to a growing concern: while boys often appear disengaged or distracted, their digital behaviours are often telling us something important. They may be searching for control, connection, or even meaning in spaces where they feel seen and successful.
But without structured conversations around identity, masculinity, and emotional regulation, many boys are left to navigate these worlds alone. Platforms that promise power and prestige can easily drift into darker spaces. See my previous posts about toxic communities and harmful influencers.
The research is clear: boys need digital mentors as much as they need digital boundaries. People who will model curiosity, openness, and accountability. People who will ask, not just what are you playing?, but how do you feel when you’re playing?
Reframing the digital conversation
The path forward isn’t about demonising technology or denying boys their digital joys. Instead, it’s about raising the floor of digital literacy and elevating the ceiling of emotional literacy. This will help boys make meaning from their media use rather than just consuming passively.
If we can take the time to understand before we intervene, we stand a much better chance of building habits that last — ones that support not just digital wellbeing, but whole-person flourishing.
Resources that shaped this piece include insights from SIGNIS, BMJ, Mayo Clinic, and others. The learning continues — and the conversation is just beginning.
