How to rethink praise for boys
As educators, we’re often told that boosting self-esteem is key to a child’s success. But when it comes to boys, are we getting it right?
Too often, well-meaning praise — telling boys they’re “amazing” or “the best” — can backfire. Instead of building true confidence, it may fuel fragile egos or a need to constantly prove superiority.
A compelling model from Brummelman & Sedikides (2020) offers a better path. They show that self-esteem and narcissism aren’t opposites — they’re separate traits, shaped by different approaches.
So how can we support boys to develop strong, grounded self-worth?
Realistic Feedback – Rather than inflated praise, give boys honest, effort-focused feedback. It helps them see themselves clearly — capable, but still growing.
Growth over Superiority – Encourage improvement, not comparison. Boys who chase progress instead of status become more resilient learners.
Unconditional Regard – Make sure boys know they are valued regardless of performance. This is especially critical in cultures that equate masculinity with achievement.
These foundations are especially important during school transitions. Recent Irish research (Shum et al., 2025) shows that boys’ well-being improves when self-esteem and social support are strong. Not test scores. Not popularity. Just the basics of being seen, supported, and believed in.
Self-esteem for boys isn’t about telling them they’re great — it’s about helping them feel secure, capable, and connected.
That’s something we can all help nurture — in classrooms, on sports fields, and at home.
