Strategies to help our boys build respectful relationships
For the past 14 years, I’ve worked with boys in classrooms, sports clubs, and youth settings across the UK and the USA. Since returning to Ireland in 2023, I’ve continued to hear the same concerns that have echoed across all the places I’ve taught. That is, boys are growing up in a world where confusion, contradiction, and pressure often shape their understanding of themselves and how they relate to others.
1. Respect doesn’t start with rules
Teaching boys to respect women isn’t a one-off conversation. It’s a process of daily modelling, consistent reflection, and meaningful discussion. As Christ Church Grammar School points out in their Building Good Men framework, respect begins by observing it. Boys need to see it in action — how men speak to, listen to, and about women.
This aligns closely with what I see in classrooms and clubs: when boys are surrounded by consistent, respectful male figures — coaches, dads, brothers, teachers — they are far more likely to internalise those behaviours.
2. Early conversations matter
According to the Institute for Family Studies, timing is everything. The earlier boys are exposed to healthy, honest conversations about gender, boundaries, and emotions, the better. Avoiding or delaying these conversations often leads boys to fill in the gaps with social media noise, peer pressure, or harmful influencers. That’s why The Flourishing Man starts with simple building blocks: self-identity, empathy, and emotional communication. From this foundation, respect can, pardon the pun, flourish and become a natural extension of how boys see themselves and others.
3. Being nice to girls doesn’t equal respect
As Sue Atkins wisely states, teaching boys to respect girls goes beyond “be nice.” It involves challenging gender stereotypes, teaching consent from an early age, and addressing everyday sexism in a way boys can understand and reflect on. In our sessions, we explore what boys are seeing online, whether it’s influencer culture, hyper-masculinity, or gaming environments. We don’t demonise, we discuss. We give boys a space to ask questions, feel heard, and build a respectful worldview rooted in dignity and equality.
4. Wellbeing and respect go hand in hand
Boys who feel respected are far more likely to show respect to others. Boys who are confident, emotionally literate, and secure in their identities are more resilient to peer pressure and far less likely to resort to disrespect or aggression. Our work at The Flourishing Man blends positive psychology with real-world application — building boys’ self-esteem, their sense of belonging, and their capacity for positive, constructive relationships.
Final Thought
We need to invite boys to live in a respectful way instead of trying to impose it on them. If we want young men to grow into heroes in their families, schools, and communities, we must offer them better scripts, safer spaces, and stronger relationships.
