Some advice about consistency from someone who has lacked it
Hands up!! I am guilty. I haven’t posted an article here in a while. Not because the work has stopped, but because I fell out of my own pattern of consistency. Life got busy, pressure built, and the first thing to go was the steady rhythm of writing, sharing, and reflecting.
That’s exactly why I wanted to return with this topic. I have fallen victim to that sag in momentum when routines slip and it is the same thing I see constantly in young men. The problem is consistency, while not glamourous is vitally important and is actually one of the strongest predictors of emotional safety, behavioural stability, and long-term wellbeing for all children.
Why is consitency important?
Unsurprisingly, boys thrive when the world around them makes sense. When routines, rules, and expectations are predictable, it gives them something to rely on. When they have a sense of stability, they can carry with them even when things feel chaotic elsewhere. This is true whether at home, at school, or in sport.
When rules and expectations shift depending on mood or situation, boys can become anxious or act out. Having adults respond predictably, even if it’s with a calm correction, creates trust and clarity.
In schools, the same principle applies. Boys do better when expectations are steady, and behaviour is managed consistently across staff and classrooms. Teachers reading this may say that's obvious but it’s not just anecdotal. The evidence behind consistent school-wide practices supporting positive behaviour is compelling. Even small routines, like daily check-ins or predictable classroom rituals, can make a huge difference.
Consistency also helps boys internalise their strengths. Highlighting a strength once is nice, but recognising it repeatedly helps it become part of their identity. As one play therapy guide puts it, repetition in reinforcement is key for emotional development.
What falling out of consistency taught me
When I stopped writing regularly, it wasn't a massive drop off a cliff but I did lose momentum, focus, and that small sense of daily achievement. Evening thinking about returning to a consistent habit has reminded me of the lessons I try to pass on to boys: consistency isn’t about doing everything perfectly; it’s about showing up.
How to build consistency for yourself and the boys you support
1. Start small: Even a tiny, reliable habit is more powerful than an inconsistent big effort. Choose one small routine and commit to it daily.
2. Create anchors: Predictable routines like morning rituals, after-school check-ins, or weekly reflections give structure and stability.
3. Keep rules simple and steady: Rules don’t need to be complicated, but they do need to be consistent. Children thrive when expectations don’t shift based on the adult’s mood or context.
4. Respond predictably: If you respond calmly to a behaviour today, aim to do the same tomorrow. Predictability builds trust and helps boys understand consequences.
5. Recognise strengths repeatedly: Daily acknowledgment of strengths, effort, or progress makes them stick. It’s how boys learn who they are and the scope of their capablities.
6. Model consistency: Your own habits, responses, and behaviour become a blueprint for the boys around you. If you are consistent, it teaches them to do the same.
7. Plan for resets: Everyone slips up. What matters is having a simple way to reset routines or expectations, so lapses don’t derail progress.
Why it’s worth it
Not only does consistency improve behaviour, it also builds belief. Belief that the world is safe, that adults can be trusted, and that they can trust themselves. When boys have that foundation, they can flourish. Returning to writing has reminded me of the power of showing up and while that lesson matters for me, it is safe to say that it matters for every young man we work with
